Tough week .....

Have not been able to leave work on time on Thur and Fri. Because of the time difference between Singapore and Monaco (where OE main office is) I end up getting calls after I get out of work.

On Thur, as I was waiting for the bus for the longest time, I got a call and it was an enquiry. Crap, I had to quickly grab a pen, juggle all the crap I was holding and trying to decipher what Italian was saying with is accent. Throughout the whole 1hr ride home, I was constantly on the phone trying to close a deal only to find after that we did not make a cent! I was so freaking pissed but I guess sometime it is more impt to close the deal.

Thank god after I fixed it with the supplier and was whining (hey, it was almost 10pm, I was still working, i deserve to whine a little) to her, she took pity on me and said she would give me 50cents/ton. OMG, u have never known how VALUABLE 50cents is!

On Fri, it was an early morning day for me. I had set up a 9am appointment and had to leave the hse pretty early as I did not want to be late meeting Nick again. However, this time around, he was the late one. Guess he is not a morning person either :P I ended up waiting for him at his hotel lobby for more than 15mins b4 he appeared with a half eaten apple still in his hands. There wasn't enough time to take the MRT so we took a cab but the cab got us there with more than enough time to spare and we ended up waiting for the suppliers because they were late. Great .... I could have slept for 1/2 hrs! I also felt really bad making Nick wake up so early in the morning and wasting his time.

The next appointment was at 11am and we had some time to spare, we went to have coffee and donuts while Nick told me the story of how his mom started the biz. Sigh ... I can't help but admire all that his mom has done but that did not make me want to strive for what she has, instead it made me more depressed. I realize that I do not have a single ambitious bone in my body, I have no drive, no goal, no determination ..... no anything.

He started to talk about the plans he had in store for OE Spore and I just sat there listening, thinking to myself, where do I fit into all of this? I don't think I can or even want what he is planning for .....

What is wrong with me? How can someone not grasp the great opportunity presented in front of them? Not appreciated the rare chance that has appeared? What the hell do I want to do? How do I get the drive, the fighting spirit, the yearning, the will ......

I seem to be on self destruct mode and I can't find the "ABORT" button :(