Piercaholic, Chocoholic

I think depression is contagious, I'm not sure if I'm the one spreading it or the one who got infected.

Don't really know what is getting me down Life has been getting me down. I don't have the drive. I want them to want me but yet I don't. Maybe its for the best cos then there would be no regrets. But it feels so nice to be wanted, doesn't it?

My diet has been going pretty well but then soon it would be the hurdle that I just can't seem to jump. I think that is what is making me sad too. I've have never managed to stay in the 50+ kg range for long, they are usually short term and then after that, I just eat and eat. Not binging but enough that I would gain some of what I've lost. I have never been in the mid 50s or lows. I wonder if this time I would be able to do it .....

And it doesn't help when all my parents want to do is

COOK! COOK! COOK!

Wait, nope, they are also planning a buffet tomorrow!

ARGH!

I of cos said no, but its too late my brain knows what my stomach is missing. I wonder when my dad goes back to work, that will put an end to him cooking lunch.

Work .... sigh .... in the process but then if I get a job, I'm going to have to join in on lunches. Yes, that is depressing. Ppl think u are weird if u don't eat but then will be more than happy to comment about your weight when u gain a few. Say "no" one too many times and u will be the outcast ... guess who they will talk about during lunch?

Tomorrow? More bullshitting to do ....

"Where do u see yrself in 3/5 years?"

Ans: "Hoping to be able to smile about my life ...."